Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
