My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
