While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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