Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
