if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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