I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
