You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
