Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
