The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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