Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
