just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
