Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
