Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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