I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
