some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
