Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
