So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
