Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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