I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
