I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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