I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
