I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
