So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
