White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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