I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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