Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
