Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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