Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
