Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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