2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
