I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
