It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
