i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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