wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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