I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
