I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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