I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
