dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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