Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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