grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
