I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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