I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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