i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
