I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
