Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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