Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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