Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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