Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
