I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
