I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
