ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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