i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
