they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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