In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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